With such a momentous holiday upon us, I figured I would start this blog off with a post in celebration! So, Happy International Fisting Day!
October 21st is the third annual Fisting Day, an event co-founded by two of my favorite people in the sex industry, Courtney Trouble and Jiz Lee, in response to the stigma surrounding fisting in the porn industry and the mimetic sentiments outside the adult industry. Here’s a lovely photo of them together! Courtesy of QueerPorn.tv. So let’s fuck the shame and begin the celebration!
A lot of people I encounter think of fisting as some astonishing act of kinky contortionism, exclaiming, “How does that fit in there!” And they’re kind of right. Fisting is some Cirque du Soleil type penetration, and for that reason, it requires a lot of practice and exploration.
This post isn’t a how to. I feel like a long text post is not the best way of presenting that information. This post is instead dedicated to all the fist-curious individuals as a guide of what to consider when considering fisting. Here are my five necessities for a successful fisting experience.
Fisting takes a lot of time- truly, there is no such thing as a fisting quickie. Take it slow and carefully and don’t expect to be fist deep within a matter of minutes, or even hours. You may even need to take a burrito break in the middle, who know.
Preparation is key in fisting and it’s the reason you need to clear your schedule, because you can’t just dive into someones body, fists blazing. You have to work your way up over time by graduating to more fingers and larger penetrative toys until you are physically and mentally ready. Talk to your partner about what you both want to experience. Make sure you feel safe and respected, and when you both decide it’s time, relax and get wet as hell. Try massages and multiple orgasms, anything to help your body loosen up. Think of it like stretching before you work out: you want to warm up your muscles so you don’t injure yourself- same principle applies to fisting.
There are also some simple safety preparations, like making sure your hands are clean and your claws are away. Long nails speak to my femme heart, but they aren’t very fisting-friendly, so in pre-pre-fisting preparation, it’s best to clip your nails. Nails can carry bacteria, and with the added risk of scraping your partner, it’s good to have them short. Although, a suggestion I saw a while back on Tumblr for anyone with dreamy, long nails is to pad the tips of your latex/nitrile gloves with cotton balls. I’m a recovering nail-biter so I’ve never had this dilemma, but I can definitely see this working if your nails aren’t too long.
3. Willingness to Redirect
It’s important to be optimistic, but not so invested in one direction that you are discouraged when thing don’t go as planned. If the mood’s not right, or the lubes not slick enough, or your wrist keeps cramping- whatever it may be, sometimes it’s just better (and safer) to postpone the fisting mission until a later date (or indefinitely, depending) and do something that you and your partner will enjoy.
If communication and continued consent doesn’t turn you on, like dripping-down-to-the-socks type turn you on, then fisting is not for you. If you are the fister, periodically ask questions, especially when you’re about to do something differently. If you’re the one being fisted, be honest. Tell your partner what’s going on in a concise and direct way. If your feelings hurt their feelings, they can get fucked some place else because your safety and well-being is more important than their ego. Both you and your partner should be able to earnestly communicate your mental, emotional, and physical status to one another without prejudice.
Also, until you are an experienced fister/fistee, I seriously advise against mixing bondage and fisting. All participants should be able to move and communicate as freely as possibly, so hold off on incorporating the two until you are experienced with both separately.
Fisting is not the kind of party you just show up to, you always have to bring something. Mainly, that something is lube… LOTS and LOTS of lube. Really though, lots.
I’ve had fisting experiences without lube and yeah, sometimes your own fluids are enough to get a hand into the body (in the case of the vagina, which is self-lubricating), but what might seem like enough lubrication to get a hand in the body probably isn’t enough to sustain the possible friction happening in there and then the exit. So in conclusion, use lube.
That brings us to the next item: latex or nitrile gloves. I suggest gloves to anyone who wants a safer sex practice, plus they come in a bunch of colors [personally, I find black gloves to be really fucking sexy]. Look how this hand model is working these pink gloves while simultaneously not contracting any fluid-transmitted infection. P.S. If you’re still thinking, “Gloves, really?” Check out this video by Dr. Ruthie, who lays down a bunch of fucking amazing reasons to glove up before you get down.
Lube and gloves are the main things to put on your shopping list, but toys are always an encouraged tool around here, especially in this case, when there is a lot of climactic work to do before the fisting can commence.
Fisting is an extremely intimate and intense experience, and if all persons involved are caring and enthusiastically consenting, everyone else can sit the hell down. Fisting is not some horror show, as one might suspect from the cringing responses after the mention of the word. Fisting is about connectedness, trust, communication, and a fucking good time.
Here are some great resources that address a lot of the questions, concerns, and misconceptions about fisting:
- “The Truth About Fisting” by Courtney Trouble
- An interview with Jiz Lee for SheBop about Fisting Day
- A free video on Behind Kink about what makes fisting so appealing as well as attitudes about it being banned throughout much of the porn industry
- A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting
- “Vaginal Fisting Basics” by Scarlett Chaos for CrashPad Series
- Learn more about the origins of Fisting Day here
A merry Fisting Day to all and to all a good night!