Including Kink in Masturbation & Self Care

A bundle maroon rope, two clothes pins, an njoy steel butt plug, silicone paddle, rainbow colored crop, metal chain, bottle of lube, and a glass bowl of two cacti restng on a dimly lit window sill.Conversations about sex toys and masturbation often center around vibrators, dildos, anal toys, and strokers, but it’s less often that people mention kink tools. Granted, that’s a broooooad category, but kinks don’t only exist when partners are around, so they can absolutely be part of someone’s solo sex practices. Many folks negotiate masturbation protocol in their D/s relationships, watch related porn, and truly any sex toy can be kinky if it’s part of your kinks [e.g. Bex’s Pure Plug or fantasy dildos]. It took me a long time to understand that masturbation doesn’t have to focus solely on genitals and orgasms, unless you want it to. Sure, sometimes all I want is mash the Magic Wand Rechargeable against my vulva before falling asleep, but these are the ways I incorporate my kinks into masturbation and self care, when I feel like it.

One of my biggest kinks is spanking. While there’s a side of me that wants to gratify my top by taking the pain, I mostly adore spanking for the sensory affects. The pain enhances my perception of all sensations and allows me to be present in my body, instead of lingering in my mind. Each thwack feels like a stroke of masochistic magic, cloaking my anxiety or stress with endorphins. You can even see it on my face, bearing a euphoric smile through winces of pain.

What that means for my masturbation habits is I like to play with sensation and pain to heighten my arousal and relax my thoughts. Since my thighs are sensitive and easily accessible when I’m lying on my back, they’re most-often the target of slapping or paddling. It may not have the same immersive effect as submitting to someone else, but the familiar pain bridges my experiences and fantasies. This is why the Plunge paddle is one of my most-used masturbation tools: the flexible silicone packs a mighty punch with minimal effort, so I can slap away without it being strenuous.

Another tool I use during masturbation are clothes pins. They’re like chips or embarrassing hair cuts – you can’t just have one… or 20, in this case. Because they come in massive packs, you can play with sensations all over the body. I mainly focus on my nipples, because they are aggressively sensitive, giving me prime access to that “present in my body” situation I talked about. If you want more adjustability or cruelty from your clamps, there are plenty of options for those too… in which case, you can just have two.

While many sensations are enjoyable in-part because of anticipation or lack of predictability, like the path a partner takes with metal claws or hot wax, I still enjoy playing with a variety of sensations by myself. If for nothing else, it provides a connection to my body: feeling my hairs stand on end when my nails graze my stomach or the shivers caused by the smooth tongue of a crop. It’s all about making my body the focus, which isn’t always possible solely through genital stimulation. Genitals are seriously complicated things, whether because of gender, trauma, insecurities, etc, so it can be freeing or empowering to access arousal through other avenues.

These are all activities I also enjoy with my partner, but rope is something I only use when alone. Even if my partner enjoyed rope play, self-tying is a creative outlet and an act of self care, since certain ties make me feel comfortable, confident, or super babely. Chest harnesses, in particular, remind me of being held, which can help lessen my anxiety and recall feelings of intimacy. Although tying isn’t connected to arousal or masturbation for me, it’s still a way to check in with myself and spend time with my body without expectations or judgement.

Of course there are certain kinks or parts of kinks that I don’t enact without a partner. Some activities can be dangerous without another person (like certain forms of bondage or breath play) while others lose all appeal, since a partner is key to their enjoyment or function [trust me, as someone who’s attempted to fist myself]. That’s why expressing kinks when alone is less about recreating partnered play and more about allowing myself to explore all facets of my sexuality and methods of self care.

How do you incorporate your kinks into masturbation or self care?

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3 thoughts on “Including Kink in Masturbation & Self Care

  1. This is a super interesting read- hard agree on the “present in your body” stuff. Now I’m both realizing how some stuff I do when masturbating is more kink-related then I realized, and getting excited to try new stuff. thanks!

  2. Pingback: She Bop – Vulva, Ink.

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