Including Kink in Masturbation & Self Care

A bundle maroon rope, two clothes pins, an njoy steel butt plug, silicone paddle, rainbow colored crop, metal chain, bottle of lube, and a glass bowl of two cacti restng on a dimly lit window sill.Conversations about sex toys and masturbation often center around vibrators, dildos, anal toys, and strokers, but it’s less often that people mention kink tools. Granted, that’s a broooooad category, but kinks don’t only exist when partners are around, so they can absolutely be part of someone’s solo sex practices. Many folks negotiate masturbation protocol in their D/s relationships, watch related porn, and truly any sex toy can be kinky if it’s part of your kinks [e.g. Bex’s Pure Plug or fantasy dildos]. It took me a long time to understand that masturbation doesn’t have to focus solely on genitals and orgasms, unless you want it to. Sure, sometimes all I want is mash the Magic Wand Rechargeable against my vulva before falling asleep, but these are the ways I incorporate my kinks into masturbation and self care, when I feel like it.

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Queer, Angry, and Engaged

queer marriage books card sex toysIt took me a while to say yes. Not in the minutes of my partner’s expressed love and commitment prefacing the “will you marry me,” but in the months prior, when marriage was more than a maybe in our conversations. I had a comfortable knowledge of what marriage looked like and an uncomfortable knowledge that it didn’t look like me, which made me question if I ever wanted to be married at all.

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Base Love: The VixenAire Mustang

Ever since I strapped on my first cock, I’ve known the pain of a bruised mons after a hard fuck, and I’m not alone. You can even buy a tiny pillow attachment for your harness or the Sili Saddle, a silicone insert, to combat it. Although, it wasn’t until I tried the VixSkin VixenAire Mustang that I legitimately felt like my vulva was being cradled during strap-on sex instead of punched.

If you’ve seen the original Vixen Mustang (or really any dildo) you’ll notice that the Aire is a little… different. It has a very shapely base. That’s because the base holds a small pocket of air that transfers into the lower part of the shaft when pushed on. The intention is to add a pulsing sensation for the receptive partner when used during strap-on play, since the wearer’s thrusting will cause the shaft to inflate.

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Sex Toy Still Lifes

clear glass dildo

Sex Toy Still Lifes

I love creating beautiful images, but more-so, I love creating beautiful images of sex toys, kink gear, and safer sex tools that may change a person’s perception of them. Much of the sex toy industry is marketed in a way that’s distancing or intimidating for many people, and I often find myself in that group. Instead, I find comfort in images captured by people who use sex toys and document them just like any other part of their life.

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WE ARE HERE

I realize that the focus of this blog is “a queer, femme dyke’s thoughts on sex and sex toys,” and this is not about sex or sex toys. However, there’s a reason I establish my identity in that description; because my perspective is just as vital to the landscape of this blog as the subject of my writing.

This week, I had a post scheduled that very much exemplifies “thoughts on sex and sex toys,” but I feel too heavy to move along in a queue without making space here to remember the shooting that killed 49 people and injured many more at Pulse, an LGBTQ nightclub in Orlando, Florida. So many queer, trans, Latinx, and other people of color were slayed in a space intended to be safe for them. That cannot be forgotten.

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