Review: Leyland Craftwork Riding Crop

Leyland Craftwork vegan riding cropI discovered Leyland Craftwork‘s Etsy store in my search from vegan BDSM gear, and what really pulled me in was all the color options. The sex toy market is saturated with pinks and purples while the BDSM market is saturated with black and occasionally red. Seeing riding crops and canes in pink, blue, red, purple, white, silver, and (after my own heart) glitter is like finding a baby unicorn. Add to that the fact that these impact toys are vegan, and it’s as if the baby unicorn flew in your window. Leyland isn’t exclusively vegan, but most of their designs are made with all synthetic materials, which are explicitly stated on the product pages.

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Review: Twisted Monk Hemp Rope and Curiosity Kit

leg rope bondageTell Me How You Really Feel

On top of my heart eye, grabby-hands when it comes to how pretty this rope is, it also managed to change how I feel about my own abilities. Twisted Monk clearly puts a lot of care into their products, as well as making sure their customers are informed and safe, which is definitely visible in this beginner-geared kit.

The Basics

Twisted Monk’s Curiosity Kit is one of their many rope kits, and it comes with three coils of 6mm hemp or cotton rope (two 15ft, one 30ft), a pair of safety shears, and a “getting started” DVD. Sweet, sweet knowledge! This is all packaged in a plastic bag that’s sealed with care instructions.

The Good, The Bad, And My Rope Rehab

My first coil of rope was a last-ditch free shipping decision, as in, I needed to bump my order total over a certain amount to receive free shipping, and rope seemed like a good thing to spend that $6 on. It was unremarkable, mass-produced, mystery rope with plastic ends like shoelaces, and over the next few months, I watched the rope pill and the plastic caps peel off. Then, in walked (shipped?) Twisted Monk

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Review: KinkyVegan Wrist Cuffs

9/23/16: Sadly, KinkyVegan is on an extended hiatus. I will update this post when they return. Until then, this list has more vegan bondage options.

Tell Me How You Really Feel
These cuffs from KinkyVegan have achieved the elusive vegan product trifecta: well made, good looking, and not infuriatingly priced. On top of that, they’re made from this mastermind material that looks like leather but is really a robot that performs better than leather… minus the robot part.

The Basics
Material: Lorica
Length: 11″
Width: 1.75″
Fit: 5-8″ and these fit up to 10.6″
Included: 2 cuffs, 1 double snap hook
Price: $33

The Good, The Bad, and a Pair In Pink Please
I’m used to being disappointed by a lot of “faux leather” products: they either look/feel like the overtly pleather jacket I rocked in elementary school, turn into one giant scuff mark, fall apart over the course of a few months, or all of the above. Thankfully, the variety and quality of vegan leather options is getting better, but in a community that has so much leather-based history and industry, it’s difficult to find attractive, quality, Kink gear made from imitation leather [Google search of the day: faux-leather daddy]. There are a lot of fabric, rope, and rubber restraint options, but few things for people who want the properties of leather, without the actual leather.

That’s why I give kudos to Martin, the owner of KinkyVegan, for making products (cuffs, collars, harnesses, impact toys, etc.) out of a microfiber material called Lorica. When I looked into it, I found myself in a lot of car and bike racing forums because Lorica is predominantly used to make protective athletic gear and automotive/boat interiors. It was manufactured to look like leather (down to the creasy skin texture and suede-like backing) but be lighter, more flexible, waterproof, breathable, and resistant to tearing and abrasion. Basically, Lorica is a badass textile that has the potential for some fantastic Kink gear. Exhibit A: these cuffs.

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Review: Tantus Plunge Paddle

Tell Me How You Really Feel
The Tantus Plunge paddle is like a Swiss Army sex toy, and I’m all about toys that do multiple things and do them well. Unfortunately, the Plunge has a ways to go to be the perfect dual paddle/dildo for me. But for each of its shortcomings, I will gladly bend over and take another smack from the Plunge because it makes a damn fine paddle.

The Basics

– 100% Ultra-premium silicone
– Handle length: 6 1/2″ (16.5 cm)
– Handle diameter: 1 1/4″ (3.2 cm)
– Paddle length: 6 1/4″ (15.9 cm)
– Paddle width: 3 1/16″ (7.8 cm)
– Paddle thickness: 1/4″ (.6 cm)

The Good, The Bad, and the “Thank you, may I have another?”

The Tantus Plunge paddle is basically the Tantus Thwack paddle plus an X gene that mutated the handle to have g/p-spotting powers. It holds the potential of both a fantastic spanking and a fantastic fucking in one toy. The idea of an impact toy/ insertable toy hybrid is nothing new, but Tantus made me gasp with excitement and wonder upon seeing the Plunge  just by making it all one beautiful hunk of smooth, matte, black silicone. This is the smoothest feeling Tantus silicone I’ve laid my hands (and butt cheeks) on [as I sit here, groping my other Tantus toys to confirm]. This silicone does collects an unfathomable amount of dust though. Really, you might mistake it for your cat if you leave it out for more than an hour.

[images: (left) immediately after washing, (right) 20 minutes inside house]

Another compromise on the silicone is that there is some drag, so… lube to the rescue! Except, the lube then causes a new problem: if you want to use the handle as a handle after using the handle as a dildo, it’s then very slippery. This situation is very much like the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: If you give a paddle a dildo, that dildo is going to need some lube, and when you give that dildo some lube, it’s going to need a rag to clean up. And speaking of cleaning up (can you tell where this is going?)…

Usually, this is the part where I inform you of how blissfully easy it is to clean an all silicone toy, but there is one tiny (1/4” to be exact) set-back, a hole in the end of the handle. Like most paddles, it’s there so you can hang it up, but because this is no ordinary paddle [go go gadget dildo handle!], this hole has turned chop sticks into cleaning utensils and made me wish there was such a thing as sex toy caulk.
The purpose of using a non-porous material like silicone is to avoid places where bacteria and any other infection-causing germs could hide and then spread, and this hole does exactly the opposite. Fortunately, unlike tiny pores, it can be cleaned, but it’s not as simple as soap and water. The key to an easy cleaning is 1. Don’t let anything dry in there and 2. Don’t let anything dry in there! This was easy when I used the Plunge on my own (vaginally); I just walked my naked butt over to the sink after I was finished, ran some water through it and it was all set to be sanitized. But there’s something relatively unsexy about stopping sex with the explanation, “I’ll be right back, just going to rinse out the dildo hole before it gets crusty!” So when the hole does get crusty, you’re going to have to do a little more work than is usual for a silicone toy. What I found works best is to insert a damp paper towel wrapped over a chopstick (or any other object that will fit) into the hole and twist it until any residue loosens. [infomercial-esque demonstration gif!]

After that, sanitize the Plunge like you would any other silicone toy: dish washer, bleach solution, or boil. That last step is very important, especially if you’re using the Plunge between orifices and/or partners. Not only is there the hole, but there is a seam in the middle of the hole so you really need to be thorough. If none of this cleaning appeals to you, you can always put a condom over the end so you don’t have to worry about the hole getting crusty or the handle getting lubey, but of course that’s unreasonable if you want to do a little spanking and then a little fucking, spanking fucking, spanking fucking, and so on.

BUT I have yet to spite the design of the Plunge as I stand over the sink, thrusting a chopstick through that hole, because the Plunge is the sex toy of all my kinky wet dreams… and yet, there is still one more obstacle: my pubic bone.

The Plunge fits so comfortably in my hand, unfortunately the same cannot be said about my vagina. After my first use of the insertable handle, I was left thinking, “NOOO! Not another g-spotter that only angers my pubic bone!” *sulking as my dreams of an amazing toy run from my vagina* This is something I’ve had a problem with before when using bulbous g-spot toys: the “fish-hook” effect. BUT I was determined to conquer the Plunge. Challenge accepted! I tried every position I could: on my back, legs down, legs up, legs closed, spread eagle, on my stomach, on my knees, on all fours, skipping through a field of four leaf clovers and lucky horseshoes, etc. And I did find some positions that worked [GOOOOOOOOOOOAL] as well as some that made me feel like I was trying to tow a boat via my vagina. Also, lube tends to save a lot of situations [TV broke? Put some lube on it! Got a flat tire? Put some lube on it! Pubic bone holding your sex toys hostage? Put an unholy ton of lube on it!] and in this case, it definitely helped. Clearly, this is not my ideal dildo, but when the conditions were right, I was pleasantly surprised. Considering I’ll be using the plunge most often on my hands and knees though, my picky pubic bone will likely always be the victor against the Plunge. Instead, it works best for me as a little tease in between spanks: rubbing it over the clit and vaginal entrance, pushing it in just a little bit before…… SLAP.

Now, let’s get down to the good stuff. The Plunge is a fan-fucking-tastic paddle. Can I just end there? Because that’s pretty much all: my ass is scornfully overjoyed. The Plunge is thick but flexible, requiring less force to deliver a hard slap and leave a beautiful, stinging, red mark. But if you’re a beginner or someone with a low pain tolerance, trying the Plunge through clothes is a great way to help understand what you want from this paddle. Even through jeans, I could feel a slight sting, but it was definitely softened. Also, as a general rule for all impact play, the person implementing the toy/tool should try it on themselves first. With some exploration, you can absolutely get a softer spanking from the Plunge, but if you’re someone who has never used impact toys before, it’s not the easiest introduction. On the other hand, if you want a unique paddle with the ability to deliver an escalating amount of pain, this! This right here! Also, if like me, the thought of that stinging smack melts the pants clear off your body from excitement, then there’s a huge neon arrow pointing to the Plunge paddle.
“This is Artemisia FemmeCock’s red ass, and I approved this message.”

Closing Statement
The Plunge paddle is a compromise for me: I love the paddle and I love the idea, but my gatekeeper pubic bone takes away from the Plunge as a g-spot toy and *falls to knees* the hoooooooole! No doubt, I will keep using the Plunge as a paddle but it likely won’t get much use on the fucking end.

I would like to thank Tantus very much for being my first sponsor [!!!] and sending me the Plunge paddle in exchange for a fair and unbiased review. You can buy the Plunge paddle at for $54.99.