Review: LELO Mona 2

I no longer support LELO due to their partnership with a known abuser, irresponsible condom design, and many other offenses.

If you’re looking for a powerful vibrator that offers g-spot stimulation, try these options from companies that have proven to be less shitty: the L’amourose Prism V, the Swan Wand, or the We-Vibe Rave, all of which cost less than the Mona 2!


LELO Mona 2 vibrator Tell Me How You Really Feel
For me, the LELO Mona 2 is a plot twist of a sex toy: it’s considered by many to be the holy grail of vibrators but PLOT TWIST I hated it, then PLOT TWIST I changed my mind. Really, I had half of a sassy review written about the Mona when my vulva started to understand what the hype is about… not without some residual skepticism though.

LELO Mona 2 vibrator sizeLELO Mona 2 vibrator buttonsThe Basics
Material: Silicone and hard plastic
Total Length: 7 3/4″
Insertable Length: 5 1/4″
Largest Diameter: 1 1/4″
Colors: Red, Pink (“Cerise”), Purple
Features:
Waterproof,
Rechargeable,
6 vibration patterns

The Good, The Bad, and The Plot Twist
I was so damn excited when I finally got my hands on the Mona 2: its beautifully shaped, made of silky, soft silicone, and it has some seriously strong vibrations. I was turned on just holding it in my hand! Not to mention, the Mona is one of the most praised sex toys on the market, as if it were a vibrator crafted by the Gods and then stolen by some sex toy Prometheus to be bestowed upon us mortals. So, I was about 300 percent ready to get up on the Mona 2. Unfortunately, when I did, I had a series of bad experiences that led me to banish it to the box it came in, assuming I would never use it again. I’m not talking about mere dissatisfaction, I’m talking pain and discomfort driven disdain.

Prime Example: The time I thought I would need the assistance of the jaws of life to remove the Mona from my body… I was wearing a butt plug and as I was wiggling the Mona around to (unsuccessfully) find a comfortable position in my vagina, I turned it to the side, which somehow locked it into its position. I then spent a lovely minute painfully turning the Mona to undo whatever grave misstep I had taken. I don’t know exactly what happened and I refuse to attempt to recreate the situation, but ever since, I look at the Mona very wearily.

LELO Mona 2 vibrator evilSo, that was one freak incident I’m fairly sure was caused by a sex toy poltergeist that got lost on its way to possess a gross jelly dong. But all the other times I tried the Mona were less than pleasant too: internally, the shape was awkward and at times, painful if I moved pretty much at all, and when I would amp up the vibrations, they reached such a high frequency that I winced at the thought of pushing the “+” button. I kept submitting myself to this because I thought there must be some key to operating the Mona in a way that didn’t make me want to encase its control panel in cement and drop it in the ocean.

LELO Mona 2 vibratorEventually though, I admitted my defeat, officiated our break up with a Twitter status, and packed the Mona away to never come near my vulva again. Fortunately, that plan was abandoned during a masturbation session when the vibrations of my We-Vibe Tango faded to a dying grumble. I was in between apartments and the first vibe I found when rummaging through boxes in a fit of sexual frustration was the Mona. My desperation acted as momentary forgiveness of its past offenses and I was shocked to receive a pleasurable orgasm by using the Mona clitorally on a lower speed. After that, I started to gain back faith in the Mona as I used it more and more, and now I’m able to see what works and what doesn’t for me.

So, while my g-spot is not Mona compatible and I have to stay within a vibration sweet spot or risk feeling like I’m having a cavity drilled between my thighs, there are some things the Mona gets very right:

1. The design is on point: all body safe materials, rechargeable, waterproof, and easy to clean. You can’t really go wrong with those things, so sex toy brownie points to LELO for that.LELO Mona 2 vibrator controls

2. These controls speak to my soul. The buttons are easy to find, and since the pattern buttons and speed buttons are separate, I can pretend that I live in a magical place where my orgasms are never interrupted by zztzztzzt ztztztztztztztztzt zzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzz… when I press the increase button one too many times.

3. This is some sexy silicone. It’s really supple, has hardly any drag, and I get hot just thinking about all the hair I don’t have to pick/wash off every time I want to use it.

4. The shape of the head of the Mona fits perfectly on the side of my clitoris… the right side to be specific [that’s my good side FYI]. So there’s no awkward finagling or slipping like I experience with a lot of other vibes.

LELO Mona 2 vibrator5. It also works really well with partners when I want something less bulky than a wand but need more reach than a bullet.

6. Lastly, is my favorite way to use the Mona: holding the entirety of the toy against my vulva so that the larger portion is resting at my vaginal opening and the thinner portion is against my clitoris. It’s like the Mona is spooning with my vulva [awwwwww]. Couple that with some grinding and a dildo inserted vaginally and I pretty much forget all the times the Mona has wronged me [at least for a few minutes].

Closing Statement
For a vibrator that turned my vagina into a sex toy deadbolt, I’m pretty impressed that the LELO Mona 2 has made its way from a box in my closet to top drawer status next to my bed. I’ve called myself a middle of the road Mona user, and that’s pretty accurate. I’m neither in love with nor (any longer) in hate with the Mona… sometimes it’s frustrating and uncomfortable but other times it’s everything I want. Basically, the Mona is one conflicting motherfucker, like the frenemy of my sex toy collection. *Cue “Quit Playing Games With My Heart” by the Backstreet Boys*

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Review: Close2You Harmonia

Tell Me How You Really Feel
For me, the Harmonia is what some people consider a “get me into the mood” toy: something that sensually teases me into a fit of ramped sexual frustration. The Harmonia is a tricky vibrator, because it’s great size and shape make me think it can give me an orgasm and then… nothing.

Basics
– Silicone with plastic battery cap
– 8 3/4″ long
– 1″ in diameter at it’s smallest and 1.5″ at it’s largest
– 2 button built-in control pad [power and speed/function change]
– 3 steady speeds, 3 pattern vibrations
– Waterproof
– Powered by 2 AAA batteries
– Packaging can double as storage

The Good, the Bad, and the “I’ll just use my hand.”
Honestly, the only reason why I took a second look at the Harmonia when scrolling through pages of sex toys, was the vibrant chartreuse color [it’s always a nice surprise to see sex toys that aren’t pink or, my least favorite sex toy color, lavender *hisses*]. Beyond the color, I like the smooth design: no unnecessary elements or added texture to distract from it’s intentions as a g-spot toy. And because of the sleek shape and silicone body, it’s easy to clean. There are no crevasses for any fluids to build up in or around so you just wash it with some soap and water/ toy cleaner or stick it in the dish washer. Can’t complain about that. The Harmonia does have 2 seams though. Thankfully, they’re soft and I don’t notice them when using the Harmonia vaginally, but I can feel them under my fingers.

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What I love about this vibrator is the shape. The girth is not enough to give me a feeling of fullness, but the shape allows my vagina to tighten around the thinner mid-section and really feel the girth of the head. Unfortunately [womp womp], this center portion is flexible, making it hard to position the vibe where I want it. On a sex toy where the entire shaft is rigid, there are some simple laws that you know the toy will abide by, and you can use them to maneuver it where you’d like. For example, you can push the base down and be confident that the head will push up, putting more pressure on the g-spot. When you push down on the Harmonia, it just bends against the vaginal wall and the head stays almost exactly where it began.

Some people say that this flexibility is an asset, allowing you to bend the shaft upwards so the head is inside you and the base is against your clitoris. I thought that was interesting, until I tried it and it felt like someone was jabbing my vagina with a spoon. When the base was bent to touch my clitoris, the head pushed down against my vaginal wall, which defeats the point of the Harmonia as a g-spot toy and causes a slightly unpleasant FUCKING OUCH feeling. I did try using this vaginally while bending it back to stimulate my perineum, but when it did stimulate my perineum, it didn’t reach my g-spot and vice versa.

The most memorable (positive) thing about the Harmonia though is that this thing finds my g-spot like, “Damn!” Usually when I reach for a g-spot toy, I go for glass, so I’m impressed with how much g-spot pressure I get from this silicone vibe. The shape of the head somehow fits perfectly against my g-spot. Unfortunately, here comes the “but”… The problem arises when I try to thrust the Harmonia, or even just rock it against my g-spot because the bulbous head creates a tugging, like there’s a hook stuck in my vagina. It feels fucking phenomenal at first, but pretty soon, the feeling becomes slightly irritating… and then really irritating. I thought we were a g-spot match! I was ready to start planning my g-spots marriage to this toy, and then the fishhook effect happened. A lot of people are going to be all about the Harmonia’s g-spot stimulation; it’s a great shape, but it just doesn’t work entirely for me.

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Wait, it vibrates too?
The fact that I almost forgot to write about the Harmonia’s vibrations says something (about the toy, not my terrible memory). The Harmonia is not the weakest vibe I’ve experienced, but I was hoping for much more power. Since the head of the Harmonia locks into my g-spot like Excalibur, a strong, deep vibration would feel fantastic! Unfortunately, I barely feel the vibrations internally, just some dull buzzing. And as I increase the speed, I actually feel them less!

A positive thing about these vibrations is that they travel through the entire shaft and head of the Harmonia. This is nice if you’re into generalized vibrations over a larger area, because you can run the entirety of Harmonia’s shaft over your genitals and feel the vibrations consistently. For me, concentrated vibrations are what get me off, so when I use this toy as an external vibrator, I just use the tip against my clitoris. Although, this is where that flexible middle of the toy makes things difficult again, because unless I’m using two hands: one to hold the Harmonia and the other to press it against my clit, whenever I try to add pressure, the bendy-shaft is like, “NOPE!” DAMN YOU bendy-shaft, another orgasm sabotaged!

However, I did find one of the vibration functions to be fantastic, which is strange because for the most [always] part, patterns annoy the hell out of me. I would describe it like a pleasurable Morse code: pulses of vibration that fluctuate in length from long buzzes to very short jolts. When I discovered how much I enjoyed this pattern, I thought, “This is it, I’m going to cum a magical fountain of YES tonight!” [not that enthusiastic, but hopeful none-the-less] I was wrong again though. As much as I tried this vibrator: vaginally, clitorally, vibe on/vibe off, thrusting, bending, low, high, everything… I still couldn’t get off. This toy definitely teased me, but in a sad, exhaustive, DIY-ending kind of way.

Closing Statement:
The Harmonia is great in theory, as well as in the execution of the design elements, but everything together doesn’t do much for me. Actually it does a lot for me, but none of it results in me cumming. The Harmonia will be fantastic for a lot of people, unfortunately I’m not one of them.

Also, check out the promotional image for the Harmonia. HAHA. I would really like to be assured that this is some sort of company inside-joke, but sadly, I think I’m wrong. “BOOP!”