Quickie Review: Tantus Sport Dildo

This is one reliable dildo. That’s usually a quality reserved for dogs and friends that are always down for Taco Bell, but the Tantus Sport has earned the distinction of being a dildo I can truly count on.

If you’ve been around for a while, or you skim this list of facts about my body, you know that one, I love dildos I can thrust and two, my pubic bone acts as a bridge troll to my g-spot (basically, it hangs down like a retaining wall in front of it). Because of this, it’s hard to find dildos I can thrust into oblivion that don’t raptor claw onto my pubic bone but do stimulate my g-spot. Well, the Tantus Sport is that dildo.

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Review: Sutil Water-Based Lubricant

Sutil botanical water-base lubricantTell Me How You Really Feel

If my genitals had a superhero uniform, it would be a coat of Sutil. It’s a water-based lubricant that lasts like a silicone-based lube, and leaves my skin impressively moisturized. I just have one peeve when it comes to this stuff.

Sutil botanical water-base lubricantThe Basics

Scent: None
Taste: Bitter (like most lube with no added sweeteners/ flavor)
10ml (sample), 2oz, 4oz, 8oz
Ingredients: Aqua, Propanediol* (Botanical Source), Hyaluronic Acid (Botanical Source), Nelumbo Nucifera Root Extract* (Lotus Root), Oat Beta Glucan*, Gluconolactone*, Sodium Benzoate*, Citric Acid.
(*Eco Certified)

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Sex Blogging Superhero

If you enjoy my blog and want to see it grow, you should show me some love by voting for me in Kinkly.com’s 2014 Sex Blogging Superheroes contest. Just go here and click the button [no sign-up required].

You could also think of voting as a baby blogiversary present for me because October marks ONE YEAR since I first started this blog! So thank you for reading/ following/ subscribing/ supporting me, I have a lot planned for this next year.

*twirls glitter phaser into holster, throws back towel-cape, and frolics proudly into the night*

Orgasm Review: The Underdog

Most of what I do on this blog is review sex toys, but it is because of these sex toys that I have the orgasms I do. And I’ve become somewhat like a rudely critical yet well-intentioned coach to my own orgasms, so I figured I would periodically review some of my more interesting [or disdainfully uninteresting] ones for all of you to see, complete with informative graphs!
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Name: The Underdog [Alternate name: The Flangasm after this oddly flan-shaped graph…?]
The Mood Naughty Small, The Ursa glass dildo, and the Wahl (yes, I managed a meandering orgasm even with the Wahl)

This masturbation session had very mediocre beginnings, which slowly fostered the question, “should I just give up, make myself a quesadilla, and try again later?” Then a strange feeling came over me, like a climax, but minus everything climactic except the shaky knees and thigh cramping. And after a few minutes of sporadic confusion, mild thrill, and a near charley horse, I had a saga of an orgasm that made me wish I wore a watch just so I could dramatically look down at it mid way through and time it for possible inclusion in the Guinness World Records. I just lay there thinking, “How is this fantastic thing still happening?” And when it was over, all I could do was let out a victory laugh and mentally pat myself on the back. Kudos to you Underdog orgasm!

Rating: On a scale of 0 to 10, I rate this orgasm a Rocky.

Halloween Sex Toys That Would Make Morticia and Gomez Addams Proud

I decided to jump on the trend and compile a short list of sex toys for Halloween.
But I’m not talking about orange and black wrist cuffs and sparkly vampire dicks [though I have no lack of love for sparkly things], I’m talking about toys you can put at the center of your pentagram and make a sacrifice to the spirits for. So let’s get scary and weird up in here!

 First, is a new discovery I made while compiling this list. It involves a key word I did not know would ever grace my search bar: dildoll. Although not a lot of things give me the creeps, dolls fucking creep me out! If you thought Chucky or that ventriloquist doll from Dead Silence was creepy, they’ve got nothing on the “dildolls” from Kil Studios. Kil Studios makes gorgeously terrifying ceramic dolls, and through their Etsy shop, LaTeeFah Dolls , you can buy these functional dildolls to get yourself off as you summon the spirits of Victorian era murderesses… or whatever else soothes your sick soul.

Etsy is also where I discovered this next toy, the Zombi by Necronomicox. I’ve known Necronomicox for their beautiful silicone Mythos dildos, so when looking for inspiration for this post, I visited their site and found this disturbing gem: an oozing, rotting zombie-inspired dildo. So, if you have fantasies about a zombie apocalypse where instead of brains, everybody wants sex, or maybe you’ve just always been curious about what’s in the pants of decaying, reanimated corpses [not something I’ve thought about until now],whatever it is, now you know that you can buy a zombie-cock, so you’re welcome.

Dolls, zombies, and now the fallen angel himself, Satan. If you can’t find any reliquary dildos to accompany your latest church-sex adventure, Divine Interventions is likely your next best option. You don’t have to use this toy as just a dildo, the description on the website suggests that you actually overthrow Satan through sex with the silicone Devil dildo. They summon you to “Kegelize the Prince of Darkness into submission! Put him where the sun don’t shine til he accedes that you’re the Master of the Universe!” So if you were still looking for Halloween plans, there ya go!

People get pretty creative with dildos, but holidays bring out the worst in vibrators. Everyone seems to want to make vibrators in any and every themed shape possible! The “Death by Orgasm” line of vibrators on LoveHoney is probably the most successful of the Halloween-adjacent vibes I’ve seen, especially the “Vampire Bride” and the “Scorpion.” Maybe it’s the little coffin storage boxes or maybe it’s just the fact that they’re not shaped like pumpkins or pieces of candy, but I find them charming. Although, the scorpion bullet is not something I’d want near my body [I’d sooner take the dildoll over any vibrator that looks like an insect]. I did come up with a couple uses for it though: you could use it to play a prank on someone and then have a celebratory masturbation session, or get a bunch of them to reenact the scorpion-pit death scene from The Mummy. Tis the season!

I hope you have a weird, sexy, and safe Halloween! Slather on the fake blood and glitter and reward all your masturbatory exercise with candy.


Photo credits:
Both “Dildoll” images from www.kilstudios.com

“Zombi” image from www.etsy.com/shop/Necronomicox
Devil dildo image from www.divine-interventions.com
Scorpion vibrator image from www.drugstore.com